Optimism from the tree stand

My father once told me, “your too optimistic” as we were driving home from a hunt. Tears rolled down my cheeks, upset that we didn’t kill anything. I was just a kid then, my idea of a successful hunt was based on if we harvested an animal. I was young, hopeful and desperate to fill my tags. My father was wrong though. I wasn’t too optimistic, I just didn’t have the perspective as I do now.

I believe being optimistic is a beautiful trait. It can bring light to the darkest of times, as it did for me often throughout my life. Being optimistic can manifest good in your life, whether that has to do with your career, having children, beating cancer or any sickness, you name it, it can change the game. I believe being optimistic can make you a healthier person, mentally, physically and emotionally. It sets the tone for how you approach life, and brings positivity into your being. Nobody ever won a football game by being bitter or built a successful business by having a negative mindset. Optimism can carry you through the hardest challenges life throws at you. It brings hope, something to look forward to. I believe that the energy we put into this world is the energy we receive and you are the only one who gets to harness that. When I first started seeing a therapist, I wanted to keep the fact that I was sexually abused to myself, and just my family. I didn’t want anyone else knowing. I was embarrassed of what others were going to think of me, keeping this secret in for so long. The negativity I had towards my brother, and others who did me wrong held me back from fully healing and so I told myself, I must tell my story. I had this hope, this optimism, that perhaps if I owned my truth, I could help others do the same.

So I started to tell my story to my close friends and before I knew it l was sharing it on social media, through my blog and with strangers. My story was no longer about me, rather it was about choosing to see the positive, the light, the growth, and the opportunity to bring awareness and change. To encourage parents to educate and talk with their children, and for other victims of any type of abuse, to stand up and own their voice as well. Writing this book wouldn’t have been possible without choosing a positive outlook from my trauma. I believe the reason I am where I am today is because I chose to change my mindset, every single day. Granted it wasn’t always easy and it’s a constant effort to do so still today. If it wasn’t for that glimmer of hope I had when I was neck deep in therapy, I could easily be where I was then. A drunk, using sex and drugs to fill my void, to bring validation to my lack of growth. If it wasn’t for optimism, I may have killed myself. I was going down a road of self destruction, until that day in therapy. Annie, bless her heart, changed my life. She taught me the importance of allowing yourself to feel. She gave me the tools to process why I felt a certain way and that I held the power within myself to direct that emotion. The more aware I became of my feelings the more clear my mind became on what was important, allowing space for positivity. The more I told my story, the more feedback I received from others on how powerful my truth was to them. The light started to appear and soon I was waking each day with a new energy. I no longer felt lost, insecure or ashamed of my past. For many years I told myself I wasn’t good enough to be loved, not skinny enough, pretty enough, as I compared myself to the girls at the bar that would always get the attention. Many late nights I’d stumble home, drunk and depressed because I didn’t get any attention at the bar. Eventually I had enough, and realized it was up to me to change the way I viewed myself. Each time I looked into the mirror I told myself, you are beautiful and you are worthy. Soon I stopped going out to the bars and spent more time in the field, or at home doing something that made me feel good. All along I was the one holding myself back. It was time to pull out the keys and unlock the chains that bound me.