Mountain Clarity

These winter months in the mountains have taught me many things, and today as I chopped firewood a therapy session took place….

I thought about my past 5 months of life, and the fog I have been living in and how that fog has lifted, allowing me see to again.

Spending the past three months on this snowy mountain, I’ve sat with my past and the puzzle pieces have started to come together.

This past fall when archery season was over, I found myself standing in the kitchen of my previous home. Looking around at the comforts that surrounded me and the convinences that occupied it, I was finding it increasingly hard to stay connected with myself, my goals, desires and my continued healing. 

I felt lost and scared knowing I was becoming more disconnected with myself everyday. I had everything a person needs to make them happy, or so that’s what society expects us to believe.

I didn’t have reasons for the sudden breakup and my heart ached knowing I didn’t have the answers he deserved. He loved me so deeply and effortlessly, and overnight I ripped it away from him and ran to the mountains. 

As time went on after the breakup, he was persistent on getting answers, but I couldn’t bring myself to answer him because I didn’t have the answers yet myself.

 This was all because of a feeling. A feeling so deep within my core, that my intuition was the only one listening and I had to lean into it and trust it. 

The mountains were pulling me back, clenched tight to their end of the rope. Feeling it’s pull I stopped resisting and gave in, going back to Bear Creek Outfitters LLC to guide elk and deer for 3rd and 4th rifle. 

I poured all of myself into guiding, having a very successful season and making new friendships with those who came to hunting camp. As the cold thanksgiving night brought twinkling stars to the dark sky, I skinned elk and drank whiskey to the elk gods. I was the only woman on the mountain, concentrating all my energy into what was right in front of me. My clients and I drank moonshine and shared hunting stories and they thanked me for showing them the ultimate hunting experience.

My heart was overwhelmed with support and encouragement as talk of taking over operations as Bear Creek progressed.

Soon, the hunting season was over and the mountain was quiet again. This space was exactly what I needed and my mind went to places it’s never been before.  I started to relive memories from my youth, allowing me to heal from all that I had pushed away and started to write my book. The words, the stories, they couldn’t be typed on the keyboard fast enough as I liberated my soul from its demons and let go of holding onto the past. I was paving the way for the next chapter ahead, managing and providing guide services at Bear Creek Outfitters remote cabins. The dreams from my childhood are coming to life and as I turn 31 in a couple days I am ready for the next year of growth and dedication to continue chasing those dreams.

YOUR SUCCESSES DON’T LOOK LIKE ANYONE ELSE’S. Sometimes you need to take a step back and sit with the questions you're asking yourself. If you not happy with where you are in life, then make changes, your the only one who can.

 Today, I encourage you to write. Write about the places that make you happy, write about your day, or how you're feeling, and soon your focus too will shift.

 Please remind yourself right now that life is unpredictable, and heartbreak can be hard as sometimes we just need to find who we are. 

It’s a double edge sward, just like most things in life. 

 Don’t ever let anyone tell you your worth or put a price tag on it. You are no cheap date because your worth is amount more than money.

 The stories from my childhood are coming back and as I write my book, What’s Her Wild, An Untold Story. I am finding a healing so deep, natural and for once, not scary.

I don’t have all the answers, nor do I pretend to be, but I am here to tell you that healing can and will naturally happen, but only if you allow it to.

It will take time.

It will be scary.

It will push people away and you will push people away.

There is no manual in healing.

Let it happen. 

Whatever it is, big or small for once you do, miracles will happen. 

As far as my book goes, I am deep in the nitty gritty of my biggest moments of healing, and I can’t wait to share it all with you!

Thank you all for following along.