Success in Experiences
This morning I was scrolling through my google photos, going down memory lane while I enjoyed my morning coffee. My heart swelled as I relived memories from the river, the Grand Canyon, hunting and guiding, fishing and hunting photos from growing up, and other outdoor adventures and travels. I stopped scrolling as I came across a photo of me sitting at the bar in 2017. My heart aced as I suddenly went back to those days. Alcohol, drugs and sex were what got me through the motions. I was fighting a constant battle of receiving validation from anyone I could receive it from. I would go out with girlfriends, drink at the bar and get jealous of my best friend because all the men hit on her, and nobody hit on me. I wore my insecurities on my sleeve and was thriving in a fight or flight mentality, which only caused me to reach for more booze. Growing up I lacked exposure to the world, confined to my religious teachings and constantly living in fear. When I left the LLC in 2015 one might say I jumped in head first. I now had a new way of coping with my mental sickness, insecurities and the trauma I suffered as a young girl. With each drunk night I pushed away what was most important, and when I woke in the morning I looked forward to partying that next night, receiving a dopamine hit just from the thought of getting drunk. Being intoxicated made me feel confident, until it didn’t and then I would snap. The downward spiral of self-hate, shame and resentment towards myself began. I was unhappy, I was overweight, lost, scared and blind by what I was doing to myself. I knew I had an immense amount of work to do and the thought alone seemed as though it was an impossible task. I feared the journey ahead, for I knew there would be struggles and my pride would have to take a back seat. I knew I couldn’t continue on the path of self-destruction. I was tired of running. I was tired of feeling sorry for myself. I was ready to fight my demons, and I suited up and ran head first into battle.
It was September. Elk season. I loaded up my truck and headed for the mountains. I had taken the entire month off of work, and was ready for some serious soul searching. I talk a lot about this month I experienced in the mountains, for it CHANGED MY LIFE. I had a bit of knowledge and experience hunting elk, but it wasn’t just about becoming a better hunter that had me running towards the mountains. It was about becoming a healthier and stronger individual. It was time to get to know myself. The quiet nights alone around the fire, and laying in the tall grass of an aspen grove, allowed space for my mind to just be. Whatever thoughts came through, I sat with them and let them sink deep into my core. It felt good to push myself as I hiked ridge line after ridge line. To feel my heart beating strong and loud in my chest, and my muscles growing stronger everyday. I had a new challenge in front of me and I’ve never been one to fail. Pursuing elk and deer in the mountains with a bow is no easy task and I welcomed the challenge. Being alone for many days brought a peace over me I had never felt before. I was gaining confidence in myself as I navigated the mountains in the dark and through mountain lion country. I talked back and forth with elk and had multiple close encounters, although unable to get a shot. I was consumed by the process each day brought and the failures fueled the fire within myself to do better next time. As the month went on, I started to feel lighter. Yes, the weight was falling off but this isn’t the lighter I’m talking about here. Though the experiences I had so far on this adventure, I had let go of the baggage I had been carrying around. I felt reborn. I felt light. I had a new lease on life and I was ready to conquer anything that was thrown my way. I was mountain strong and focused. That last week of season I was able to arrow a small 5x5 bull elk, and the hunt couldn’t have gone any more perfect. With a double lung shot, he didn’t make it far until he fell over and died. My brother and I shared this special moment together as we cut prime pieces of meat from this elk, just like dad had showed us year after year. The universe reminded me that day of the rewards of hard work and persistence. With a pack full of meat we headed back to camp. I was ready, ready to face the world once again. I would leave behind the scared, insecure girl and welcomed the new version of myself as I headed home, a heart full of memories, courage and adventure.
My life, my dreams, my goals, they were all set into motion from this hunt. I started to reconnect with my dreams I had as a young girl. A dream of paving my way in the hunting industry and hunting to my hearts desire. My dad told me several times I should go to school and get a degree in a occupation that the world would always need. A CNA, a nurse, etc. I reminded my dad of my dreams and that I couldn’t bring myself to waste time or money on a career I had no interest in. Truth be told, having just started my healing journey took most of my time and energy and that’s exactly what I did. As the next few years played out, I started to realize my love for being a hunting guide. Not only am I obsessed with learning about wild game and their habitat, but there is something so special about bringing a client from the city to the mountains. The connection between my clients and nature unfolded in every hunt, and it was absolutely beautiful to witness.
2019 Hunt at Bear Creek Outfitters LLC
My good friend Dylan told me the other day, “man, Draya I don't know how you do it?” “Do what?” I asked him. “ I don’t know how you can guide people all the time. It’s not for me.” “Well, you and I are different people Dylan. This is my path, not yours.” “Your right.” Dylan responded.
I started to realize the deep, spiritual, and emotional connection I had with mother earth was something that drove these clients out west to hunt and how lucky was I to be able to share that with them. I believe a successful life is not made up of money but rather in experiences. As I sit up here on the mountain writing this blog, I feel the wealthiest I ever been. I encourage you to sit with your dreams and ask yourself, what’s holding you back from chasing them? If you have suffered trauma in your life, I encourage you to get outside and move your body, for mother nature is the best healer out there. She will speak to you, she will change you, she will encourage you and she will show you your true colors.
Solo hunt in 2017
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As most of you know, I am hosting a women’s big game 101 clinic June 9th-12th. I want to create a space for women to learn, and grow among each other, no matter our backgrounds, body size or hunting experience. We are the next generation of hunters and we must stand strong together to ensure the continuation of this way of life. Hunting is the fabric of my existence and I hope to share with you and deepest parts of it. There’s magic that happens in the mountains, let’s experience it together. To see more information on the clinic, go to Menu>Women’s Big Game 101 Clinic
Photo by Christopher Dowell Photography. Montana spring black bear hunt 2021.