Survivor VS Thriver
Hey friends, today's topic isn’t my typical nature or hunting story, it’s a personal one. I would like to let you all in on some struggles and realizations I’ve had in the past couple months .
Over the past few years I have dove head first into being a single, independent woman. By doing so I was starting to find my voice, and was able to devote my time to things that mattered most to me. Outdoor adventures such as hunting, scouting, camping and hiking. I lived the truck life for a couple summers and I loved the freedom it gave me. Doing things on my own was how I survived for so many years, from a young girl into a woman and it’s-all-I-knew. It brought me confidence I needed and time to process the healing and changes that had come my way. I was an opportunist and I believe a part of why that was, was due to my survivor mentality. Never settle into something for too long, and always looking for my escape route if something happened I didn’t agree with. Now that I’m 30 I’m realizing I am not in my 20’s anymore and the opportunist mentality doesn’t suit my current situation but more important doesn’t allow growth as in individual.
The past few months I have experienced an increase in anxiety and stress. My body has been giving me signs of this -as the weight doesn’t seem to fall off like it usually does, lack of energy to workout and simply move my body, troubles sleeping, and the worst of it all-I would snap for no reason. The only form of exercise I seemed to crave is to throw my pack on and head out in the woods to scout for wild game. During this time I had started dating a wonderful man, moved in with him and started a small business (Ridge Patrol) all at the same time. I went from a single, do it on your own mentality to now I must work as a team to keep this relationship healthy all meanwhile making time for myself and managing my professional responsibilites. I struggled to make time for myself as I had some new distractions (good ones) Instead of spending a hour or so a day for me, I used that time to snuggle on the couch watching TV ( an amenity I never had have in my life, or an interest in). Hours were spent wandering the forest and being behind my spotting scope and camera as my new focus was to create- the best women’s clothing line yet. Putting the gear to the test was all I could think about. Mentally I was tapping out and when I had an opportunity to go on a solo hunt I went for it like my life depended on it. And it did. I went on a solo hunt pursuing antelope in northern Colorado and as my body worked hard hiking the big rolling hills I was renewed with a sense of purpose and reminded of the women I am and the one I am becoming. My confidence was back! All meanwhile a phrase played over and over in my mind- GOOD THING’S DON’T COME EASY. The challenges of pursing wild game is just like the challenges that come in a relationship.
Returning home all my doubts and the need for alone time brought tears and arguments between my partner and I as I once again feared the process of this new relationship. I thought leaving him and being alone was the answer. He kept telling me ‘breaking up with me isn’t the right thing to do.’ Frustrated I asked myself, how does he know what’s right for me? This is the man who loves me with all his heart even during my weakest moments when I’m curled up in a ball crying. This is the man who will do anything to support me and will give me the space I need when needed. And here I was in the middle of the night, ready to leave him and be ‘independent.’ As I drank my morning coffee I saw a post on Instagram as she did her yoga practice “Life is a series of choices. What will you choose next?” I responded without hesitation, “TO GIVE MYSELF MORE GRACE, AND TO ACCEPT OTHERS AS THEY ARE GOING THROUGH THEIR OWN JOURNEY AS WELL”
No matter how mentally healthy we are we all have our insecurities some of which go back into our past we despise, causing us to avoid them at all cost. But how are we suppose to grow if we don’t give in to acceptance and love? How are the ones around us suppose to heal if we can accept the journey they are on and love them for who they are? I am no expert in relationships but I’m learning quickly what needs work within myself and how I can be a better support for those who love me.
Cycles come and go as we are always evolving as humans and ultimately we aren’t meant to be the same-or have the same coping mechanisms and sometimes that takes some time to figure it out and that’s okay. I realized I was feeding the survivor mentality and honestly I’ve had enough. It’s time to embrace the THRIVING mentality and get back on the band wagon.
Thank you all for reading and joining along this crazy ride called life.